Year 4 Week 29 Day 202

I have reached the point where rice cakes with Nutella and peanut butter are a cheat food.
Yep, living the good life.

In case you didn’t know it’s about 500 calories.  I don’t know the carbs, probably pretty high too, stupid rice cakes.

Here are the numbers:

	6/22/2012	6/29/2012	7/6/2012	7/20/2012	LW
Neck	17.00	17.00	17.50	17.25	(0.25)
Left Arm	14.50	14.00	14.50	15.25	0.75
Shoulders	54.50	53.25	54.00	52.00	(2.00)
Chest	50.00	50.25	50.50	50.50	-
Waist	45.50	47.25	47.50	47.00	(0.50)
Hips	43.00	44.00	43.75	44.50	0.75
Left Thigh	23.50	23.50	25.00	24.75	(0.25)
Left Calf	17.50	17.50	17.50	17.00	(0.50)
Left Ankle	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	-
Left Wrist	7.50	7.25	7.25	7.25	-
BP	150/89	134/86	141/92	130/84	-
Pulse	69.00	68.00	74.00	62.00	(6.00)
Weight	265.60	268.60	273.60	271.20	2.60

A little bit back on track now.  A few missteps as I acknowledge that without a contest to motivate me I am trying to find the right way to eat for myself.  Not every day is a good day and I suppose not every week will be a good week.

I also wonder if there are times of the year where you are more able to lose weight based on biology.  Like in the summer you’d think that you expend more energy so you crave more food and hopefully they balance out, then in the winter you’re expending less energy so you crave less food so it might be easier to lose weight in the winter.  I should google this topic.

Well, that wasn’t helpful.  After getting through seasons of TV shows on weight loss and Christmas season weight gain there seems to be no consensus and the general guideline says whatever the season there are things you can do to offset anything that slows or stops losing weight.

Bah humbug!

For the record I seem to do really well (for whatever reason) in the Spring and Fall and have trouble in the Winter (expected) and the Summer (weird).

I tried to get back into exercise this week and made in a day and a half before ruining my left shoulder, possibly for life.

Thank God it’s not my masturbation arm!

I probably just slept on it wrong but it makes showering tough so weights and swinging arm movements are out.

Yes, I am a big baby.

Diary of a Fat Kid

I think it was 1979 to around 1981, I am terrible placing these events in the right year, when my Dad got his stomach stapled in an attempt to lose weight.

It wasn’t a particularly safe surgery back then and it isn’t much better now.  The things I think about this today revolve more around how he paid for it since I don’t think insurance covered it.  I also remember all his food had to be blended into essentially apple sauce consistency. 

My favorite attempt at this was Mac n’ Cheese.  Now forgetting for a moment that said food was everything that was wrong about a person’s diet (refined white flour, butter, milk and whatever is in that awesome orange powder) it was putting it into the blender that was the greatest thing ever in the imagination of a child.

A giant ball.

That’s right, if you take properly prepared Kraft Mac n’ Cheese and toss it into a blender for several minutes you get a giant orange ball.  I didn’t taste it but I’ll assume it kept its pseudo-cheesy flavor.  It may have been like those cheese balls you see around Christmas time and I never asked Dad how it tasted.

Needless to say, the stapling didn’t last him all that long.

He and my Mom both tried a variety of diets and she still tries today.

I think that’s what happens in life, you just keep trying.

When I last saw my own doctor (3 years ago and counting) he suggested I try gastric bypass if I didn’t start losing weight on my own. 

A few weeks later I started this blog.

And don’t let my mom cook for you, especially her blender Mac n’ Cheese.

Later!

I Fought the Lard and the Lard Won

So apparently I've gone two weeks with a legitimate update.

You won't get one now either.

I was up to 275.6 on the first Friday I skipped and at 272.4 last Friday.

I have a fear of failure only slightly less powerful than my fear of sucess.

Next week, or to say Friday July 20th, the full rundown again, I swear to Buddha.

That's the appropriate godlike figure for large bellied men I assume..

Later.

Year 4 Week 26 Day 185

How about a better title than the most depressing one ever?  For the record this is the names system for the blog posts I save to the hard drive.  I’m on year four of taking control on my eating habits and measuring the progress.  After that it’s supposed to be just the week and the day the blog is posted.

Yep, just a boring measure of time.  Like marking off the days until you die.  You only have 3,256.4 left by the way so why are you still here?  Go outside and fly a kite, call a loved one and tell them how much they matter, just live damn it.

So I might be a little light headed from how terrible this week has been.

Here’s the proof…

	6/1/2012	6/8/2012	6/15/2012	6/22/2012	6/29/2012	LW
Neck	17.00	17.50	17.00	17.00	17.00	-
Left Arm	14.50	15.50	15.50	14.50	14.00	(0.50)
Shoulders	54.00	54.75	53.00	54.50	53.25	(1.25)
Chest	50.75	50.50	51.00	50.00	50.25	0.25
Waist	48.00	46.50	47.00	45.50	47.25	1.75
Hips	44.50	44.00	43.75	43.00	44.00	1.00
Left Thigh	25.00	24.00	24.50	23.50	23.50	-
Left Calf	17.50	18.00	18.50	17.50	17.50	-
Left Ankle	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	-
Left Wrist	7.50	7.50	7.50	7.50	7.25	(0.25)
BP	137/84	136/86	132/79	150/89	134/86	-
Pulse	67.00	73.00	69.00	69.00	68.00	(1.00)
Weight	272.40	272.00	271.60	265.60	268.60	3.00

Plus THREE mother-loving pounds, and so bloated in the middle.

Argh, so much for that whole new wardrobe, better go to the goodwill and buy my old clothes back.

Nah, not really.  The truth might be worse.  The dream of easy weight loss strictly from a moderately healthy diet is being dashed and now I am once again on the precipice of exercising in real and meaningful way again.

Oh how I hate myself for hating myself so much.  The snake is eating its tail.

The week has been nuts and yet nothing is going on, but maybe it’s for the best.

Fourth of July is next week and I might have gone off the rails if everything was working so well.  I might have plans of BBQ chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs and all the side dishes of cookout meals.  All sorts of summer desserts too, so many whip creamed confections just begging me to eat them.

Sigh.

Diary of a Fat Kid

Fourth of July meant fireworks.  Fireworks meant fire.  Fire meant smoking cigarettes to use to light fireworks to blow up mailboxes, plastic ice cream pails and model airplanes.

I come from a legitimate family of smokers.  My mom, my grandparents and a good number of aunts and uncles smoked all the time.  Mom smoked (and drank) while pregnant, can’t judge it was a different time and as we can see I am COMPLETELY normal.  My mom was a fan of walking while smoking as a form of exercise.  I can’t argue that it wasn’t effective, if you’re going to smoke at least exercise while smoking to increase your workout intensity.

Smoking was a constant presence growing up, indoors and in cars back when people used ashtrays instead of throwing butts out of the window.  All this smoking around me growing up and I had no interest in smoking, not counting the brief cigar trend in the 90s, and I still don’t get it.  Smoking ruins almost everything else in your life.  Food is worse, breathing is worse, cleaning is worse, socializing is worse and it seeps into your pores and I can smell it on you.

All that and I still had no problem smoking on July 4^th, or the days before it too.  There was a group of us between we’ll say 8-12 years old and we’d steal a parent’s cigarettes and matches or a lighter.  For whatever reason using cigarettes was much more efficient than what was used to light cigarettes when it came to fireworks.  We all took turns puffing on the cancer sticks between M80s, bottle rocket fights and Roman candle attacks.

All this to say, never cared for cigarettes and didn’t feel anything like the addiction people describe after going through quitting cigarettes.  Same thing with cigars, I smoked a few dozen in the late 90s but no problem dropping them when they fell out of favor.

Food though, it seems to be the addiction problem for me.  Whatever the reason I can’t get a handle on eating and more specifically not eating poorly.  The concept of a deck of cards sized portion of protein and twice that in vegetable servings as a dinner makes sense until I am eating, then I can’t stop until I am full.  So like an alcoholic I have to keep the place nearly devoid of food, I have only celery and carrot sticks in abundant supply. 

So ummm Happy 4^th of July everybody.

New Plans Same as the Old Plans

I’m on the second week on the new lifestyle which was the most recent lifestyle only there is no contest now.

Finished the 10 day portion of the cleanse and am on the same eating schedule I was on for the 3 previous months.

This will sound sad to you but I’m kind of glad.  I can see that I am not good at making smart meal decisions and after the weekend of dubious eating choices I feel more comfortable with the shake for breakfast, the salad for lunch and the steamed vegetables with chicken or fish for dinner.  I’m also not as uptight about it now.  With no contest looming in the distance I don’t kill myself emotionally if I eat a donut at work or a cookie or a dozen.

The key for me is not making a misstep into a binging week.  Have a cookie, don’t eat cookies nonstop for a week.  Believe or not that was how it used to be.  Even better, say you eat a little too much on Wednesday thereby blowing your diet and think to yourself “oh well, I’ll start again next Monday” or next month or next year.  That was the old philosophy.

Every minute is a new minute.

The Numbers….

	6/1/2012	6/8/2012	6/15/2012	6/22/2012	LW
Neck	17.00	17.50	17.00	17.00	-
Left Arm	14.50	15.50	15.50	14.50	(1.00)
Shoulders	54.00	54.75	53.00	54.50	1.50
Chest	50.75	50.50	51.00	50.00	(1.00)
Waist	48.00	46.50	47.00	45.50	(1.50)
Hips	44.50	44.00	43.75	43.00	(0.75)
Left Thigh	25.00	24.00	24.50	23.50	(1.00)
Left Calf	17.50	18.00	18.50	17.50	(1.00)
Left Ankle	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	-
Left Wrist	7.50	7.50	7.50	7.50	-
BP	137/84	136/86	132/79	150/89	-
Pulse	67.00	73.00	69.00	69.00	-
Weight	272.40	272.00	271.60	265.60	(6.00)

So it was a good week for the numbers.  Six pounds down so there is no plateau at 270.  Maybe 260 will come faster than I thought.

I’m now concerned that I won’t be able to wear that fancy cashmere sweater this fall because it will be too big.

Also, I have to ask about getting some new shirts from work because the old ones are billowing tents on me now.

Still not exercising much at all.  I am filled with energy and dash up and down the stairs at work but none of this is translating to a desire to sit on a stationary bike, trod on a treadmill or climb on an elliptical machine.

I have been playing video games a lot, blowing away the stereotype of gaining weight by sitting around on the computer.

My book title “How I Lost over 100 lbs playing WoW” and then cashing the checks.

Really, I’m not sure why it helps.  Sure it’s messy to eat pizza and hammer a keyboard, but I did it before.  However while I am playing games I don’t think about food.  Unlike watching TV or movies or reading where my mind wanders and I get bored and I eat, playing games keeps me engaged enough to take me away from food.

I’ve come to realize that most of the time I eat it’s because I am supposed to eat more than I am hungry.  I know that waiting until I feel hungry to eat almost always ends with me eating too much to compensate.  So eating on a schedule regulates me and helps me avoid the “starvation/binge” eating that hit me all the time before this plan.

So I am eating right, working hard and playing games.  So far this is all working well to keep me on the right course for me.

Diary of a Fat Kid

 I wonder how growing up with a working mom and dad affected me and my brother growing up.

Dad wasn’t a 9-5 office worker during any significant portion of my life.  He worked in real estate, insurance, then for the government in a management capacity.  So he was home a lot during the day.

Mom worked nights in a factory job.  I think she had periods of time not working but after the move to Germany she was a regular 9-5 worker and always had a very blue collar kind of attitude.  Have a job, do your job and don’t lose your job.

Dad was always looking for a way to make money that didn’t require actual work, physical labor or long hours.  I’ve learned since then that people he looked up to as examples actually spent most of their waking time working for what they had, but not my old man.  He always seemed to expect things to work out for him.

I do not share this view of life.  I never expect things to work out for me.  I am always thinking of the things that go wrong.  It’s worked well for me since I am checking work for problems and looking for issues that might prevent business from working out for my company.  My life is prewired for risk management, contingency planning and accounting.

My brother went the other way.  He’s more like my dad than he’d ever admit.  He’s never been good with the 9-5 job, taking orders from others or being a lower cog of the machine.  He seems to think it’ll all work out without any hard work.  He’s not there yet.

All that points out just one thing, maybe I am lucky to be wired for the hard work, the planning for the worst and the discipline.  Got me through college, kept me working through the boom and bust and it should get me through the rest of my life.

How you eat is a job and you have to work at it, if you don’t you won’t get anywhere.

Just like my brother.

Later.