Year 4 Week 26 Day 185

How about a better title than the most depressing one ever?  For the record this is the names system for the blog posts I save to the hard drive.  I’m on year four of taking control on my eating habits and measuring the progress.  After that it’s supposed to be just the week and the day the blog is posted.

Yep, just a boring measure of time.  Like marking off the days until you die.  You only have 3,256.4 left by the way so why are you still here?  Go outside and fly a kite, call a loved one and tell them how much they matter, just live damn it.

So I might be a little light headed from how terrible this week has been.

Here’s the proof…

	6/1/2012	6/8/2012	6/15/2012	6/22/2012	6/29/2012	LW
Neck	17.00	17.50	17.00	17.00	17.00	-
Left Arm	14.50	15.50	15.50	14.50	14.00	(0.50)
Shoulders	54.00	54.75	53.00	54.50	53.25	(1.25)
Chest	50.75	50.50	51.00	50.00	50.25	0.25
Waist	48.00	46.50	47.00	45.50	47.25	1.75
Hips	44.50	44.00	43.75	43.00	44.00	1.00
Left Thigh	25.00	24.00	24.50	23.50	23.50	-
Left Calf	17.50	18.00	18.50	17.50	17.50	-
Left Ankle	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	10.00	-
Left Wrist	7.50	7.50	7.50	7.50	7.25	(0.25)
BP	137/84	136/86	132/79	150/89	134/86	-
Pulse	67.00	73.00	69.00	69.00	68.00	(1.00)
Weight	272.40	272.00	271.60	265.60	268.60	3.00

Plus THREE mother-loving pounds, and so bloated in the middle.

Argh, so much for that whole new wardrobe, better go to the goodwill and buy my old clothes back.

Nah, not really.  The truth might be worse.  The dream of easy weight loss strictly from a moderately healthy diet is being dashed and now I am once again on the precipice of exercising in real and meaningful way again.

Oh how I hate myself for hating myself so much.  The snake is eating its tail.

The week has been nuts and yet nothing is going on, but maybe it’s for the best.

Fourth of July is next week and I might have gone off the rails if everything was working so well.  I might have plans of BBQ chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs and all the side dishes of cookout meals.  All sorts of summer desserts too, so many whip creamed confections just begging me to eat them.

Sigh.

Diary of a Fat Kid

Fourth of July meant fireworks.  Fireworks meant fire.  Fire meant smoking cigarettes to use to light fireworks to blow up mailboxes, plastic ice cream pails and model airplanes.

I come from a legitimate family of smokers.  My mom, my grandparents and a good number of aunts and uncles smoked all the time.  Mom smoked (and drank) while pregnant, can’t judge it was a different time and as we can see I am COMPLETELY normal.  My mom was a fan of walking while smoking as a form of exercise.  I can’t argue that it wasn’t effective, if you’re going to smoke at least exercise while smoking to increase your workout intensity.

Smoking was a constant presence growing up, indoors and in cars back when people used ashtrays instead of throwing butts out of the window.  All this smoking around me growing up and I had no interest in smoking, not counting the brief cigar trend in the 90s, and I still don’t get it.  Smoking ruins almost everything else in your life.  Food is worse, breathing is worse, cleaning is worse, socializing is worse and it seeps into your pores and I can smell it on you.

All that and I still had no problem smoking on July 4^th, or the days before it too.  There was a group of us between we’ll say 8-12 years old and we’d steal a parent’s cigarettes and matches or a lighter.  For whatever reason using cigarettes was much more efficient than what was used to light cigarettes when it came to fireworks.  We all took turns puffing on the cancer sticks between M80s, bottle rocket fights and Roman candle attacks.

All this to say, never cared for cigarettes and didn’t feel anything like the addiction people describe after going through quitting cigarettes.  Same thing with cigars, I smoked a few dozen in the late 90s but no problem dropping them when they fell out of favor.

Food though, it seems to be the addiction problem for me.  Whatever the reason I can’t get a handle on eating and more specifically not eating poorly.  The concept of a deck of cards sized portion of protein and twice that in vegetable servings as a dinner makes sense until I am eating, then I can’t stop until I am full.  So like an alcoholic I have to keep the place nearly devoid of food, I have only celery and carrot sticks in abundant supply. 

So ummm Happy 4^th of July everybody.